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silently crying to myself. now i'm all alone & i've no idea what the shit i can do to bring everything back to what it was. it's scary how things can just disappear suddenly without you even knowing. i wonder if you still remember the promise you made. but i guess you wouldn't be able to fulfill it now. so i guess i can't keep mine too. once again, it's gonna be back to who i was. the one where i hate the most. falsing laughter, faking smiles. i can't even be happy when everytime i think of you, i realise, you're gone. i know nothing lasts forever. i just didn't think it would end so fast. there are so many things i haven't had the chance to say. & i guess i never will. it's another prank right. when am i ever gonna learn. happiness, this bullshit, just isn't my kind of thing. i really thought, after more than 9 months of being depressed that maybe, just maybe, i finally got it. i guess i'm a pretty good liar. few months ago, i denied the fact. because i knew that if i had told you, most likely you're just gonna avoid me like what people from the past did to me. i was sick of all that crap. & so, i told myself, that lying to you was for my own good.
i didn't think this pass few months would actually exist where we became closer & closer. but i also couldn't believe that everything is coming to an end soon. i'm super lost & i want to let you know that i'll be here when you need me. but sad to say, i'm just not brave enough to let you know. there's actually no point in me, typing this whole bunch of crap, while crying to myself.
everytime i'm next to you, i start to imagine what it'd be like to have to live even a day without our old texts, talks & jokes. now i have. i'm just a sucker for love.
maybe you think you're not good enough. but y'know what i think? i think i'm the one that's not good enough for you. i'm afraid of hurting people. & i always do. this time for a change, i told myself, 'i won't let it happen to him.'
i was too naive. 'cause i wouldn't even have the chance to proof it.
haha.
i think i'm gonna miss talking to you & the way you make me smile at every single text.
ohwait, i alrd have.
i'm gonna hate this old self of mine.
if you think you're a failure because maybe you can't make me feel happy, or that because you don't have the courage to what you should be doing, then lemme tell you this. this is exactly what i like about you. considerate, thoughtful. & isn't it also because you're afraid of hurting me because you're not good enough, that's why you chose to end things this way?
you're so very wrong. 'cause by leaving me, alone, i'm hurt. every little things you do, i smiled.
do you even know that?
i feel damn helpless 'cause there's nothing i can do. i don't know how to make you understand that this is the type of 'you' that brought the real 'me' out.
if a miracle can happen once, i'm hoping it can happen again. please.
“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you.”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it's done. It's that easy, and that hard.”