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29 March 2017
6.13PM
I lost it last night. The pain was throbbing physically right up to my heart. It was a familiar wrench that I knew I'd bid goodbye to when we were happy together and I was finally happy. How can I be wrong.
But I lost it again today. Out of the blue in the morning, then again in the middle of the afternoon. And again on the way home.
I wonder if it ever occurred to you that I still cry for us and how unfair life's circumstances brought us apart.
And I wonder if it does, whether it breaks you apart just like it did me.
I still don't get it. How a needle in a haystack of many very lastingly pleasant memories could be our dealbreaker. Nothing makes shit sense to me.
I wonder if it ever occurred to you that I still cry for us and how unfair life's circumstances brought us apart.
And I wonder if it does, whether it breaks you apart just like it did me.
I still don't get it. How a needle in a haystack of many very lastingly pleasant memories could be our dealbreaker. Nothing makes shit sense to me.
All the chinese songs I didn't pay attention to before are all mocking me now. They snap at me harder than I can ever snap myself out.
My lower back hurt again today. And you know how uncomfortable that makes me feel. I couldn't lie properly and in another time you would spring into action because you know where it hurts. And you know I loved it when you ease my ache. But of course you also know that I am secretly glad it hurt, because that means my next irregular cycle is around the corner.
I have somewhere to be. But I can't leave my bed. Because I am still losing it.
We still have places not gone. I already made a list. And you know how much I loved exploring new places with you. To be honest, I think you loved it too. Maybe we both secretly loved adventure that we made "us" into a year filled with it.
Remember when I used to say I envy people who get to spend festivals with their partner. Maybe I was meant to spend all my first-times with you. And most of yours with me.
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I just got out of the shower and I think I might be down with a slight fever. Thus explaining the soreness in my bones. Then again, if you were here you would already know because you're more medically inclined than I am.
The new tenants are reaching the house. So I left mine. I'm not acting out. I just, don't like the idea of strangers in my house. I loved it most when you're here.
I still have a lot on my mind to tell you. But I'm outside, and you know how I feel about people staring down at my screen.
I guess I talked a lot 'cause I feel excited sharing my life with you. But you're not real. At least not here.
Y'know some people believe that the right people sometimes meet at the wrong time. Do you believe in that too? My bad, my excitement for discussions with you overwhelmed me as usual. You're not even real.
i dont feel so good
6.13PM
Also, I stopped buying cigarettes for weekdays for when I go to work. I guess I'm making instant good progress. Told you I could do it if I want to. Told you I just needed a good enough reason to.
12.46AM
Definitely having a fever and these sores are affecting my sleep.
I remember being determined and excited about finding new food places and taking you there. Remember the gigantic chicken cutlet with the sweet omelette on top? The one at Farrer Park. The one I said we couldn't finish even if we tried. I was right. And I was there tonight.
I am everywhere. Yet I am nowhere.
I'll be fine. Until I'm not again.
I'll be fine. Until I'm not again.
我累了
“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you.”
“This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it's done. It's that easy, and that hard.”